Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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