i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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