i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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