I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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