Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
