It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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