I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
