no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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