You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
