It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
