i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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