Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
