I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
