what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
