If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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