there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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