Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
