I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
