I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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