My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
