I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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