I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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