I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
