I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
