best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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