i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
