He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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