Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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