JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
