she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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