I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
