i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
