Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
