The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
