i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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