I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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