Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
