i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
