Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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