YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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