He passed out mid-signature
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
