I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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