its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
