You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
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The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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