I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
