I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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