Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
