Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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