I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
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I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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