So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
