You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
