I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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