Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
