Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
