It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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