I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
