3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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