who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
